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About the Author

Master Duality to Manage Up and Manage Down. Make relationships work. Earn lasting social capital

Being Human for a Better Tomorrow in the Age of AI

  • July 19, 2024
  • Edition 7
Master duality

“We ‘Connect’ therefore We ‘Are’.” With due apologies to Descartes, I believe this derivative of his quote is even more poignant.

At work, our output, outcome, and rewards are entirely determined by structures and networks. Three out of five determinants of Emotional Intelligence (Daniel Goleman) – namely self-regulation, empathy, and social skills – are influenced by ‘others’.

In my experience over three decades working across three industries globally, managing duality has been the essence of building working relationships. Duality refers to the existence of two distinct, dynamically varying aspects or characteristics which can coexist or alternate, as outlined below:

I. Explicit and Implicit Expectations

Organizations often over plan or under plan and under-communicate. Regardless, you should be proactive and have a perspective to manage the business clock and grow thinking.

Implicit expectations are an even bigger challenge. It’s not only about how work needs to get done, but also about employee expectations of growth, security, and learning in exchange for loyalty.

II. Understanding Yourself and 'Others' Understanding of You

The Johari Window Model is an excellent framework for self-development within relationships. It revolves around four areas:

  • Open area: What you've shared about yourself that others know
  • Blind spot: What you don't know about yourself but others do - seek and acknowledge feedback
  • Hidden area: What you know but others don't - which is private
  • Unknown area: What neither you nor others know - be open to explore, learn, and grow

III. Assertiveness and Cooperativeness

The Thomas Kilmann Instrument (TKI) is a helpful model for conflict management. It describes one’s behavior along two dimensions: (1) assertiveness, the extent to which the person attempts to satisfy their own concerns, and (2) cooperativeness, the extent to which the person attempts to satisfy others’ concerns.

To this, I would add the following:

  • Consider how much of your work is specific to your role and outcomes versus how it complements your boss and your team.
  • If you have meaningful essential overlap, there is less stress, greater joy, and everyone learns and grows.
  • Empathize with a person not in the room or part of the conversation. Wearing a missing hat builds empathy.
  • Use that empathy to push for clarity on what is your problem, what is their (others') problem, and what is our (joint) problem. Focus on solving what you should solve.

IV. Efforts and Rewards

In any organization, there are fundamentally only 3 layers in a hierarchy:
  • Individual contributor to complete assigned tasks
  • Manager responsible for outputs
  • Leader accountable for outcomes
  • Use that empathy to push for clarity on what is your problem, what is their (others') problem, and what is our (joint) problem. Focus on solving what you should solve.

You should be clear where you stand and where you aspire to be. Remember, your efforts don’t matter as much as your outputs and outcomes. Your rewards grow with outcomes or your irreplaceability.

This is a starting list, and there would be many more dualities to consider. Please add or comment on what you think.

Developing the Ability to Manage Duality

If you agree on managing duality then recommend a pilot to consciously observe your interactions at work. Note challenges you faced, where you successfully balance different aspects of duality and where you could not. Reflect on how this balance impacts your relationships and outcomes. Learn and grow over time.

As Amelia Earhart says “The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity.”

Get started.

I hope these insights help.
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Best wishes.

Select Quotes

"The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function."
― F. Scott Fitzgerald
"The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place."
― George Bernard Shaw
"The best way to lead people into the future is to connect with them deeply in the present."
― James Kouzes and Barry Posner
"Be the boss your employees would follow if they didn't need a paycheck."
― Unknown
"The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak."
― Hans Hofmann
"The art of leadership is saying no, not yes. It is very easy to say yes."
― Tony Blair

II. Questioning / Asking

Good conversations flow from well‑sequenced questions—topical, simple, coherent, cohesive.
LLM Conversation Example 1
Q: What are empirical judgments?

A: Empirical judgments are based on observation, experience, or experimentation.
Q: What are moral judgments?

A: Moral judgments are based on ethical principles and values.
“AI is a language. Treat it like one: practice, iterate, and mind your grammar prompts, assumptions, and verification.”
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